New Beginnings: Getting Out of the Funk
I’ve never considered myself to be in the business of making promises. I don’t trust things to turn out how they say they will, and the last year proved me right on that account. It was a string of promises broken and dreams coming true. At the beginning of 2016, I was a wreck. Fresh off the boat from disaster and in denial, I’d dealt with death, desertion, and drama for the first time, and didn’t exist very much for a while. Colors weren’t as bright and activities became less interesting. The world had a quietness I couldn’t shake, though sometimes, I didn’t want to. It took new opportunities with school and a change of location to shake off the misery and get me to see clearly again. The last year has made me a better- albeit more cautious- person, more weary of the world but never less hungry for whatever is next.
Finally, change came banging at my door, grabbing my hand and telling me ‘hush, there isn’t time for questions.’ The easiest way to get out of a funk is to not mean to, having something else drag you out while you’re looking elsewhere; but it’s almost never like that. Every other time, princess has to save herself. Fresh starts don’t come easily; they usually feature crawling out tooth and nail, barely any breaks, till light is reached. I immersed myself in a completely different life to escape. Nothing, not even my wardrobe, could stay. I shed it all, giving into a new set of everything, and I can’t imagine who I would be if I hadn’t had that opportunity. Most likely, I’d probably still be staring at walls and fighing to fill silence; no one should have to live like that, so I made a promise to do better.
Now, I don’t believe in making promises, especially not ones tied down to something as trivial as the calendar, but I made one goal for myself on the cusp of this year. I only want to do better than before. I don’t need to lose weight or find love- those things will come when they are ready. For now, all I want is to do a bit better than before. I’ve already done it, after all, and I don’t care to repeat anything when there is a universe of possibilities out there.
By Hannah Weisman